So why do I get this feeling that maybe it was mostly just survival instincts?
I compared myself to Manda* and decided that living on just survival instincts will NOT do. She drains herself out trying to keep afloat. It's not healthy, it sucks out life. She has her good points, but has trouble communicating them because in my opinion, her protective guard is sky-high. A little too high. And if two survival-heads are battling, you end up with a lot of unnecessary words. I don't want to use propaganda to show "how tough I am" or to stay "invincible".
There needs to be some vulnerability too. *blink* right?
I'm so bent on my so-called "independence" that I see dependence as weakness. BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD! I mean, I guess to an extent it's good, but as a girl
So many people this year have made statements about my "strength" that were not true. They say "a thing like this won't affect Joni", or "since when did you care what they say?" Do I really come off as THAT strong? Yikes, here's to changing that. I am taking note of things said to me. I just don't show it much.
I suppose I should let my guard down more. Allow vulnerability.
*Not real name, of course.