Friday, September 30, 2005

Caught Somewhere Nowhere
[9th August 2002]

Groping about in what seems like the darkest night
Telling myself I don’t wanna lose this fight
So many voices in my head
Oh God, which one belongs to You?

This is me on my knees
Beneath these tangles I know I need more of You
And I trust that You’ll rescue me
And show me who I am inside

Take my hand, lead me from this place
I’m trapped in me and I can’t get out
God, am I the first to feel this way?
I’m searching me, clinging to You
Coz’ I feel seventy worlds away
[So I’m] hanging on every word You say

This is me on my knees
Beneath these tangles I know I need more of You
Here I am, make me whole again
Saturate all my soul
In Your name I trust

I’m lost in me
So I’m calling Thee
I’m clearly unclear
So I’m calling You near
Lord, You said, ‘Come to Me, and I will come to thee,
Believe in Me, I’ll set you free
When you’re unclear, let Me draw you near
Because I love you, I love you, I love you’

So this is me on my knees
Beneath these tangles I know I need more of You
Here I am, make me whole again
Saturate all my soul, in Your name I trust
And I believe that You’ll rescue me
And show me who I am inside.
[4th January 2003]

I don’t wanna know how it’s gonna be tomorrow
But it feels like the rain is gonna pour
I could use a lil’ time to get the thoughts in my head straight
But I think it’s just a lil’ too late, a lil’ too late

Stop the world, I think I wanna get off here
I fear I won’t be able to pick myself up
When I’m pushed and struck down
I don’t wanna be left here to stand on my own
Didn’t think I was ready. Am I ready?
To face the world and those eyes that scare me
Can you cry?
Do you know what I’m feeling inside?
Could you try to understand why my pain is so real
Why my mind’s so unstill
Can you hear?

Tell me I will survive this thing
Let me know that somehow you’ll always be near
Insanity’s just a few hours away
But tell me I, tell me I won’t be going that way

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


I keep telling Seth he has a great voice. He keeps refusing to believe. His voice will go perfectly with songs like Adam Sandler's or Howie Day or Marty Sampson. But will he listen when I say he can sing? I'm crossing fingers and hoping one day his lightbulb will be turned on. :) My family's moving back to Malaysia next month. Coz' my siblings' education needs to be dealt with. I don't know how long they'll be there. I don't even know where they're planning to stay yet. But they are moving, for sure. Hm. Michael Buble's concert is on the 14th of October. I can't wait!! I wish I could have gone for STOMP too, though. Didn't even know they were in Malaysia. But nevermind, Buble first. hehe.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I'm repeating part of Pet's blogpost. It applies to me too. I realized I socialize much easier when I'm alone. Or with Pet. I dunno why, but it just is. For some strange reason, I feel uncomfortable making new friends when I have friends around. Even if it's just one other person. Weird.
Seth leaves for Chiang Rai this Sunday for a month. I'm guessing I'm gonna be lonely. Hope this will be my chance to break out and be friendlier to the youth at church. Haven't exactly been attempting to get to know any of them.*guilty look* okay okay, I'll try. I get the feeling I'm not gonna fit in too well, but at least give it a shot, right? Right. So I will. and we'll see what happens. Oh, Sarah, btw, Richesse yoghurt with prune is lovely. Really. kahekhekahekheakehakea. Go try it.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

There. I did it. Polite applause please.

I got 80% on both tests. *jigs around in peejays* I was so nervous about today's test on computers, my hands were literally shaking. But all's well. We moved on to "Decibels". Not much happened apart from that today. Oh, I decided I neededa reward for my first college test scores. Yes, yes, I can hear y'all laughing, and yes they were just minor tests, but HEY, it's hard for me,okayyyy...*pout* The pressure of being the only girl in class. Think about that-seriously. And not to mention, the tiniest. Arielle Arielle, wherefore are thou when I needeth thee? *cliche not intended* Oh, I got to chat with Ronnie! hehehe, finally la! Ronnie rocks more than ladies' smocks. I like this picture better now, Seth. *grin*

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

the going on's

Going on #1. We started Audio Editing today. Finally some practical work. It looks manageable, but I get the feeling it's gonna be tougher than we all think. Max said that too. I have 4 different assignments. The program looks fun. I just wish I had a computer at home to work on stuff at my own time, not only at school. Ah well. They'll just have to bear my face in there a whole lot,then. haha.

Going on #2. Third week of class,right? And Mr."Gum" [refer below:Sept 4th] asks me out today. Sadly, I had to say no. *pause for polite reverent silence* *un-pause* *snort chortle chuckle* I'll try to feel sad. I mean, the guy totally blew it for himself, but I think he'll only realize it tomorrow or something. But then again, people can be so unpredictable nowadays. I thought I'd made it clear I had no intention to kamcheng kamcheng, but apparently not. It's a weird world. Why is it that some guys are so clueless about the OBVIOUS rejection hints given and others are totally clueless about the OBVIOUS i-like-u hints?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Umbrella-man and headphones

I was just walking home after class. It was raining. He just came under the umbrella while we walked across the road and asked if I minded. I didn't really, but...I dunno. I mean, he was like, what, almost 40?? So then he asks where I'm headed and yada yada yada. What I study, why my English is so good, how old are you and do you know Texas University? I was wary of it all, giving just short answers and walking briskly. Anyway, in the end when I'd reached my destination, he asked me to dinner. yup. Dinner. I could've gagged right there. Then when I said no, he's like Why? "Coz I don't do that kinda stuff". But it's just dinner. I promise, just dinner. EEWW. Do you realize what that meant?? I mean, remember what my street is, and put two and two together and the response is EEW. Double EEW. Ah well, it was an experience. haha.
I almost had enough to get the digital camera. I was THAT close to owning one. Then Max says we need personal headphones. That should cost about RM600-800. Awesome. So today was spent hunting for headphones, passing by all these camera shops, internally and majorly sulking. So I gotta start all over again with saving for that camera. The drama queen in me wants to eat Reese's to my heart's content and scream WHYYYYyyyyyy????!!!! Here comes that I-wanna-be-rich thing again. sigh. I will survive. Because apart from that, it's all been good. Real good. College is tough but bearable. Life in general is going smoothly without too many rocks.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Lambda=speed of sound/frequency

Confusion galore. Most times in class so far, I've been clueless. Not entirely nice feeling but I'm surviving. Homeschooling got me accustomed to reading the work myself and taking time to grasp things. Thankfully, Max [my lecturer], understands and is very helpful. He's cool. The nationalities in the class are amazing. British, German, Mongolian, Dutch, Malaysian, Thai, Irish, American,Sri Lanka and the mixed up ones like me. It's fun. And we're a terribly curious bunch too. We keep interrupting Max and asking a gazillion questions.haha. Anyway, classes and lessons have been a lil tough, but I'm determined to do my best. *crossed fingers and toes* Oh, and NO, I'm not the youngest in the class *phew*.
Apart from school,.... um,well. This IS after all MY blog and I shouldn't care who else reads this...right?Right. [trying to convince myself here..hahahehhaehea] So, yeah. I guess Joni is tryingto loosen up a lil in a specific area she's tried to neglect for years. Translation? I'm sorta going out with someone....yeah. And I hear the gasps from Malaysia loud and clear. Well, as you all know, I'm totally blur and absolutely stupid about the whole thing. But I'll learn. Eventually. But on the other side, I am having lots of fun. Confusion aside, of course.haha. I've learnt quite a few things already, including things't [ Again, I can see eyebrows raised from all the way here..aekahekeahekaheka] Ah well. I still have a looooonng way to go. I'll have to learn 'em all one step at a time. Or two. lol. I'm absolutely scared but I'm trying hard to grasp the entire thing. At some points, the confusion makes me wish I'd learnt earlier. But the wheel still turns and I just go on ahead. Looking back too often hurts the neck,don't it? Ah well. I've had a BLAST and I hope to goodness it stays this way.*looks up* Pretty please?

Monday, September 05, 2005

And so it begins.

"Gum?" said the kid next to me who seems to think he's all that. I'd just plonked myself on the nearest seat after arriving LATE to the orientation. Why is that,you ask? Coz the lecturer had told me to come at 6.30pm but apparently they changed the time without letting me know and at 2.45pm while I'm out SHOPPING with Veronica, I get a "where-are-you-we've-started-at-2.30" call. NOT funny. What a first impression I must have made.And in my slippers too! ahhahahahaha. ah well. Life goes on and the first day of class commenced yesterday. It was alright. Still pretty much an introduction to what's ahead. I have a drum recording project in November, so I plan to ship Darren in to help.hehe. Don't wanna use the two Thai classmates who claim they play drums, until they prove themselves worthy. eek. Am I being mean? 'Course I am. Anyway, class times have been changed to 5.30-9pm,Mondays-Thursdays. Which is...okay, I guess. I mean, at least my Fridays are free.For now. I miss my girlfriends.Real BAD. I wanna wave my wandand make them appear here. I wanna show my classmates how hot my bestfriends are. Just coz. I wanna be able to turn three times 'round, snap my fingers and sing laliloo and see that they're right there standing and laughing with me on the skytrain on our way to one of the zillion malls. I wanna be rich and ship them all here to stay with me for a month. *huge sigh* eeheheh..I miss Rishaad too. and Ronnie. *hug*

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Three moves in one month!

Yup. I moved to the red light district. It's my fifth day here. The room is enormous, attached bathroom with bathtub and heater.Air-conditioned. TV. Sofa sets. Lovely orange lights all over the room. I am so blessed a.k.a. spoilt. I love it. I went to ECB [Evangelical Church of Bangkok] last Sunday. It's an English service with people from all over the world. Worship was....a lil strange. But maybe I came on a bad week.hehe. [Trying to be optimistic here] I also went to YWAM's youth service with my friend Seth. oh right. Seth. Cambodian, 21, involved with YWAM, guitarist, bassist, singer [and great one,too], can play keyboards, is pretty amusing, and allround nice guy. Generally. ehheaehehe. Yep. Aren't I being a darling, Seth? 2points for me,yes? *grin* Anyway, life in Sukhumvit Soi 4 so far is good. It's kinda funny coz when I look out my window each night, I see the word SIN on a huge lit signage.It's a club or pub or something. And the whole street is full of them..and worse things. AH WELL. Orientation is on the 5th of Sept. I'm excited but anxiety has settled in too. I guess it's only now hitting me. Been filling my remaining free days with activities and going 'round Bangkok. PET,SARAH,ARIELLE, you HAAAVVVVVE to come QUICKKKK!!! I'm serious.SERIOUS gila.