A thought switch.

People think I'm strong. And I was brought up to be tough. With antennas always alert. And most of the time, I thought I was strong. I mean, look, I could handle moving away to another country at 16, living&traveling independently at 18, dealing with COUNTLESS sickos in and between Bangkok and KL, and all the other big girl stuff that won't be mentioned here.. Didn't that make me a toughie?

So why do I get this feeling that maybe it was mostly just survival instincts?

I compared myself to Manda* and decided that living on just survival instincts will NOT do. She drains herself out trying to keep afloat. It's not healthy, it sucks out life. She has her good points, but has trouble communicating them because in my opinion, her protective guard is sky-high. A little too high. And if two survival-heads are battling, you end up with a lot of unnecessary words. I don't want to use propaganda to show "how tough I am" or to stay "invincible".

I don't want to spend my entire life trying to spare my heart every bit of pain.

There needs to be some vulnerability too. *blink* right?
I'm so bent on my so-called "independence" that I see dependence as weakness. BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD! I mean, I guess to an extent it's good, but as a girl whowantstogetmarried, to some degree you gotta come to terms with the fact that you will want to depend on someone for some things one day. Right? And then, you'll have to take the risks of being vulnerable.

So many people this year have made statements about my "strength" that were not true. They say "a thing like this won't affect Joni", or "since when did you care what they say?" Do I really come off as THAT strong? Yikes, here's to changing that. I am taking note of things said to me. I just don't show it much.

I suppose I should let my guard down more. Allow vulnerability.

*Not real name, of course.

Observation of the Day.

I saw a couple in Starbucks today. The CollegeGirl had a little-girl face - cute, fair, baby-like. Then she started sulking at her boyfriend - the bubbly, cheeky little-boyish type. But it was a fake sulk. Y'know, the kind where you push him away when he tries to muzzle you, or you give him the cold-shoulder but really, everyone can see you're loving the attention.

I mean, yeah I guess all that is fine for a while. And by 'awhile', I mean 15seconds - at most. After that, one should snap out of it and either a. tell him to seriously stop it, or b.bask in his attention and reciprocate, or c. get a room. Seriously, nobody wants to see all that drama in public. It makes the single ones nauseous, the couples embarrassed, and the adults upset when their kids start gaping.

Anyway, CollegeGirl continues her 'cuteness' every now and then, with a quick mushy-session after 'fighting' TheBF off for a while. Did I mention she uses a really girlycutecute voice? And that all this is going on in front of another girl-friend who is seated in front of them?

I'm just relating this because the drama has been going on in front of me for the past 4hours here. Ngh. Now TheBF has left and she seems like a normal college student working on assignments.

Maybe they've only been together for a week.
Or maybe the OtherGirl was his ex-ex-twice-removed, making her the ever-insecure-kitty who needs to be manja-ed.
Or maybe the writer is just a tad jealous that despite the drama, it's CollegeGirl who has the bf and attention.

Wait, what?

11 random thoughts I've had this week.

1. CHEESETARTS - YUMMMmmmmm. *munch munch*

2. Yayy, Senam and Isaac coming back in September!

3. Minimise facebooking. Do your work.

4. Empty pools have always fascinated me for some reason.

5. I want to dance again!! i miss dancing so much.

6. I still feel super uncomfy when other people pay for me.

7. We really should do the Open Mic session more often.

8. Martha Stewart is so rude.

9. Should I call?

10. Dad is turning 50 this week. FIFTY!

11. Goodness, Justin can shake! AHhahahahaahahahahaHAHAHAH.

Open Mic videos (Youtube links at bottom, better sync)

I like the quality Photobucket gives, but these two I admit are out of sync a lil', so you can go watch the Youtube versions actually..

here are the YOUTUBE links -

A Peculiar Open Mic Session - 3min summary

Crazy funny Lyrical Dance by Justin&Darren

A Peculiar Open Mic Session

In no particular order..

MC Sean

The Sesat Slideshow that was only supposed to be played in the backgroundCrooner Justin OoiInterviewing Snapshots before their dance.Whose Line Is It Anyway?Interpretative danceJ.Lo & Darren Ashley beatboxing.Pretty ladies (&boy)[sorry, i'm too sleepy to blog properly about the event right now.maybe laayyy-terr....*yawnnn*]
there were many more performances, i might put up some vids too.

Upcoming: Transit's Peculiar Open Mic Session!

Presenting 'Secrets & Balloons' - a peculiar open mic session
hosted by transit & life

Saturday. June 16th.
8-10pm.
Grace Assembly USJ, 2nd flr
1-2, Jln USJ 9/5Q,
Subang Business Centre,
47620 Subang Jaya, Malaysia
Free Entrance

Feat. Joni Lynne, Darren Ashley&Joshua Long, Snapshots, Missing Mercury, 20mins, The Kevinator, Mighty Toe Chong, and loads more!

Indeed we have a peculiar set of people lined up to amuse you.Come to listen/ laugh/ sing along/ be awed/ join in/ entertain!

Carter's Party

This is Carter Quinley, one of the graduates. She had a party at her house, hence more pictures.=) Carter is really sweet, always has a nice thing to say about & to you.I love this picture!! Her parents had put pictures of Carter-growing-up all over the hall.

Here's a lil tree and there's Carter as she is now. Love it. Eva Newsham is another DARLING! Always smiley, a happyhappyjoy soul.

We all had a kissy-pouty fit. EVERYBODY seemed to be doing it.lol. especially Lucia.=D
Lucia & Kristina my lover when Shannon's not lookingBethany, Lucia, and Eva in the background being Eva.

Bethany, Joni jumping on the wagon, Lucia.Lucia, Kristina, Johnjohn looking like he's asking for a kiss, and MICAH ahahhahahahha!!!!

Seeing Micah doing it is hilarious coz he's usually so reserved.lolEva, Lucia goodgrief, Shannonand then another surprise, Senior Pastor John Teschan joining the trend!!=DAssistant Pastor John Eckrote, too!We kinda stuck around at the Quinley's the whole day (it was Open House), so some started entertaining themselves..Eva: "No wait lemme finish my cake first! argh, ok fine!"

Have you noticed how my white sunnies are more popular than I am in these pictures? sheesh.Tickle Squad. JohnJohn is a common victim, poor fella. HAHAA i love bethany's face here. She looks like a dolphin giving birth or somethin'.
And look at my sexy Kristina's expression. oooh *lick*Something fishy about Ps.Matt?Jon Walton, KristinaThe TalleysMomo, Kris, Amy Walton

a whole lot of pictures - Seniors' Banquet Pt.II & afterparty

Jordan is such a rose. uh huh.Cheeky lil Seniors.

Jean-Charles (JC) and Joshua Walton apparently think they're oh-so-cute..
btw, these were THE shades of the night, hhaha.

Micah B. and Dawn Mekunwattana
He plays bass/cello, she sings.

Tak Onishi being fixed by JohnJohn, while JC watches amused.

Tak is Japanese, JC is French-Thai, JJ is American.Kristina my lover when Shannon isn't looking , Momo, Shannon, AmyRachel Newsham, Jenny, Shannon I.
Rachel is American but lives in China/L.A./Bangkok.
Jenny's sense of style makes us envious.
Shannon's hair colour is a topic in itself.

Bernd Friedrich (as German as you can get), Micah Beckwith (cello&bass phenomenon), Jordan Dieselberg (excellent artist, i just discovered), Josh Chipman (Most Outstanding Senior 2007), JohnJohn (well, now.oh yea he drums. ;p)

Oh I sang two and a half songs. A solo, duet, and trio. lol..Amy Walton and Bethany AlbertJoshua Chipman is so pretty.Ending the official night with random songs.The After-Party.
So someone suggested Karaoke and we all headed to Big Echo and got a large room to ourselves.
As you can see, some of us reeeallly got into it. It was pretty crazy!The girls doing "neeearrr, farrrrrr, whereEEEEVEERRR you areeeee"..of course, Josh W. had his own version going on in front of the tv to block the soft-porn onscreen. hahahahahaha!
[note: see the hands on the left corner desperately trying to change the song?that's Naomi]=DShannon has trouble talking without her hands.This coulda been "Barbie Girl" or "My Humps"..and there's Naomi trying to change songs again. lol. good times.