Dissipated execution.

Thesis. Even the word makes me groan now. I don't feel made for this.
I see Darren going for band practices, competitions..
Tammy going for dance practices..
I watch as the Sunday team plays new versions of old songs..

and I want IN!

I'm so so sick of saying "No I can't, I have to do my thesis."

It's not even moving anywhere, I'm hardly getting in enough useful material.
My head's not here. My head's everywhere but.
The more I think about it, the more I wanna rebel and go play in the rain.
I hope this doesn't reflect on some kind of "refusal to deal with problems faced". Coz I do deal with certain issues, but studies .....let's just say it's never been my strong point.
I'm an average student.
A-V-E-R-A-G-E.
I work my way from Point A to Point B with as little effort as possible.

Unless it directly involves my music. Then I'll be the perfectionist.
But this is a thesis that I'm not really into. Coz there's way too much DEEPthinking involved.

So here I am. Blogging.
Damn you, Facebook.

And then there's the other 'issues of the heart' to ponder about now and then. Which seriously wastes deep-thinking energy needed for the thesis. I exhaust myself silly with THESE things, rather than throwing my heart and mind into my degree.
Such a waste. I know I could do better.

Sometimes I feel someone needs to sit NEXTtt to me and WATCH me do my work so I'll actually do it properly.

I want a meaningful Christmas. I really really do.