"Velvet secrets out for a spin.."

Obviously I miss you, Ariepoooohh *hug* *lick*

Free?

I've been typing and typing for the past hour or so, but what's needing to come out isn't coming out right. *delete delete*

Where's the line between "truly living life" and "being stupid"?
Where's the point where you stop listening to yourself and start listening to them? vice versa?
What if you really believe even though they're telling you otherwise?
What if you can't hear what He's saying?
What if you pretend you don't care what they say to/about you, until one fine day you realize, you DON'T care?

Then what?

Welcome to THAT Pulau Langkawi...

(Disclaimer: Memories Ahead)Camporama 2004, Royal Rangers Malaysia.

Selangor Outpost #7 theme: Langkawi IslandWe worked very hard on the decorations, building an Underworld...Life-Sized one, too, don't play-play..Our little leaflets about Langkawi Island for "tourists" were neatly stacked in a beauuutiful hand-painted pigeon house! Details, people, details..The big boys handled The Eagle way up high......while the girls worked hard on ground level..We had a DJ booth that took requests (haha)We even built a real-water-flowing WATERFALL!!!!!The Duty-Free Shop sold handmade souvenirsAnd pointed tourists towards the Le Tour de Langkawi display (a bicycle race) On top of the van is a bicycle monument but you can only see a bit of it in this pic..The hardwork paid off - look at the gorgeous entrance!And all this just to prove that we were indeed the pirates of LangKAwi! *piratevoice*

*Photos by Sonny and Joshua Chan

Transformed.

I think this is quite funny.

*where did you get it from, PeppermintPetty?=p

And why did this suddenly pop up? Well, M asked why I'm don't hang out/sleepover with Pet anymore. We're both drowned in college work, right, Pet?
That was weeks ago when I was asked that question. Last week P sent me these two posters with 'wise sayings' (I suppose that's what you'd call them), at a very untimely ironic hour of the day. I can't say here what the posters said but it was like two lil slaps from the Big Boss Upstairs.
Then it was N who asked me - why don't I go out with my "friends"? But my original suggestion to lepak this weekend had been flushed away when I heard both Pet and Sarah were going to Penang on Saturday for a wedding. That I wasn't invited to even though I lived with the bride in the same apartment once. -_- Ah well, under the circumstances.....
And people are never free on Sundays, it seems. And I don't drive so I can't just go visit them when they're free in the weekends coz I'll have to figure my way back at night. Which sucks.
And all my suggested outings tak jadi because people weren't free or weren't interested.
(this is starting to sound pathetic. sorry. my blog. and i feel like typing my heart out. watch out.)
So there I sat quietly thinking of these little things; little innocent questions that triggered something in me. One thought after another flashing past until the strain was too much. I couldn't begin to explain what it is but I feel I keep losing things along my way.

I lost touch with Melissa when I moved to KL from Kuching. We wrote letters but they soon stopped as pre-teenhood came along. Last I saw her, she was beautiful. Grew up just the way I'd imagined she'd be - self-assured and quietly strong.
I never really made strong bonds in KL until Sarah and I decided to become best friends. Talking with her took off the stress of switching between four new schools and having to make new friends all over. I never had the chance to really get to know them enough.
Sure, there were moments. Like the time Aisyah was in ICU and we could only talk to her through hand squeezing 'yes' or 'no' questions, or her left-hand writing on paper because her right hand was occupied with needles. And us trying to guess what she was writing as quickly as possible to spare her the pain. And me torn between praying outloud for her or just telling her I'd pray for her.
I saw her again in 1Utama about a year ago. She was still Aisyah with her funny skip in her walk.
We exchanged mobile numbers knowing we'd never call.
My favorite moments then were in church. All us older kids helping out in VBS and having our own fun. Remember setting up the fun fair in the basement? Chasing Joash around with water guns. Winning Best Booth and treating us 4 girls to Victoria's Station with our prize money.
Nelvie bursting a water balloon on me causing some aunty to get a bit upset coz of the wet floor. Or something. Who knows, aunties always have reasons to get upset. The crazy "indian dudes" we had one year who made us all laugh our heads off. And we made up ridiculous enter-the-room passwords. What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine! What on earth were their names again??

Oh and of course the MUSIC we played and over-sang til we still don't want to sing some of them today. All the drama we had in the band.
Slowly those people who would have been the main influences in my early teenhood drifted off.

By the time I got back from Chiang Rai, things had changed so much it took me more than half a year to fit it again. I'd missed a HUGE chunk of events. I'd missed Lee-Josh remembering the lil semi-deep talks we had between music practices. I'd missed weddings that took good leaders away. I never got to express all the emotions I'd felt hearing all the different news while I was in Chiang Rai or Bangkok. Losing friends and acquaintances to accidents. Josh, Charles, Renae, Azhar..
Chiang Rai taught me so many things - in painful ways, if you asked me. I learned what it felt like to be the outsider and when I came back I realized this and did my best to change my old clique-ish ways. The outsider feeling was awful. Needless to say, two years there didn't earn me any strong friendships, but this time I had myself to blame mostly. I didn't WANT to be a friend. And when I did, it wasn't enough of an effort. I wanted to go home.
Arielle, Pet, and Sarah kept me company those two years. I guess you could say I grew up with them apart. People sometimes find us bizarre, but the way we've grown up I wouldn't have it any other way *insert music notes*. No matter what, I love you three.
I learned to read between some lines.
I learned to be more honest with myself.& perhaps less so out-loud since I hear it bothers people. But I still try.
I learned that pretending to be something you're not, is not cool.
I learned that being one-of-the-guys will one day put you in quite a predicament.
I learned that it is possible to move house in two days.
I learned that people can get really fugly but it's up to me how I deal with what's thrown at me.
I learned that waiting for your life to begin isn't gonna kick-start mine and that I hate knowing that.
I learned to love unconditionally. It's a painful thing oftentimes but I think nowadays I don't care anymore.

I learned that in the end, all we need is love. and God is love.

Hm.
I think I may have talked myself out of my own emoness.

*Top postcard taken from PostSecret.

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (itunes, winamp, windows media player, ipod, etc.).
2. Turn on the shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.


Opening credits:
Karma - Alicia Keys (scary)

Waking up:
Crawl - Marion Raven

First day of school:
Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie (omg ahahhahahAHHAHAHAH!)

Falling in love:
Ballad of the Confused - Darren Ashley (awww)

Fight song:
Gone - Switchfoot

Breaking up:
Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore, Music&Lyrics OST (hmm, a very curious thing indeed)

Prom:
Sad Clown - Jars Of Clay (haha,so perfect since i never had a prom)

Life is okay:
End Of Our Days - Howie Day

Mental breakdown:
Always Be Right There - Michelle Branch (yea ok i'll be there but where will YOU be considering this is MY mental breakdown..lol)

Driving:
You'll Never Walk Alone - Jordin Sparks (this shoulda been for the mental breakdown, too depressing for a drive)

Flashback:
1000 Miles Per Hour - OK Go
Getting back together:
Rain - Angela Aki (ok i have no idea what she's singing about in this one)

Wedding:
Wishes - Superchick (NO NO NO NOOOooo, this is so wrong) i cheated and clicked Next again, but i got Frou Frou's Psychobabble, so there's really no improvement there...=(

Birth of first child:
My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World (why so sad wannn)
Final battle:
To Life, To Love - Andy Hunter (ahh..this certainly sounds soundtrackish AND battlish)

Death scene:
They Can't Take That Away From Me - Diana Krall

Funeral song:
some Chopin piece, i dunno the title, wth.

Ending credits:
THE HAIRBRUSH SONG - VEGGIE TALES (Silly Songs With Larry) AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

HHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAhaahahhahahahahahahaha

Male Vs. Female Joni?

Your Inner Gender is Male

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant. You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness. You truly don't understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men. No doubt about it. You're a guy - at least on the inside.

What's Your Inner Gender?

Your Personality is Very Rare (ENTP)

Your personality type is optimistic, curious, enthusiastic, and open. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 5% of all men. You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

What Guys Think of Your Medium Straight Hair...

Smart, optimistic, easy going. You're the thinking man's ideal woman - bright, funny, and no drama.

What Do Guys Think Of Your Hair?

Your Toes Should Be Black

A total rulebreaker (and heartbreaker), you're always a little punk rock. Your flirting style: Wacky and a bit shocking Your ideal guy: An accomplished artist, musician, or writer Stay away from: Preppy guys looking for a quick bad girl fling

What Color Should Your Toenails Be?

You Are a Good Girl

You are 70% Good and 30% Bad Generally speaking, you're a very good girl. (But you don't have us totally fooled!)

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

and i just recolored the headers on these quizzes , they couldn't be seen previously.

Darren Ashley turns 19!

A peek into the life of...He's good with the little ones..He's a muso..Beatboxer..certainly good with the ladies..=DTo my crazy little brother,love.hug.kiss.wipe,
joni